How Parents Can Help their children

The following are some guidelines to help you deal with your children’s anxiety

Create a safe environment, as far as possible. Children feel safer in an environment that is familiar, with people whom they know and love, and in a consistent and familiar routine.

• Be honest. While it is not a good idea to “fall apart” in front of the children, if you are harboring fears or concerns of your own it is better not to try to hide them. If the child feels that you are hiding your fears, he is likely to keep his fears to himself. Violence of any sort (terrorism, war) damages the sense of order and routine which represent safety. Therefore, when you acknowledge your own fears and show that you are able to deal with them, you convey a message that everyone experiences fear and that it can be overcome. If your fears are acute, making it difficult to cope and to function, it is important that you deal first and foremost with your feelings, by talking with family members or professionals.
• Don’t brush off their concerns. Let your children know that you are available to talk with them, and encourage them to talk about whatever is disturbing them. If you negate the child’s feelings or try to diminish them, he will keep his feelings to himself, or feel guilty for having such feelings. Good listening can be very helpful in and of itself. Where necessary, ensure that children know that they will not be left alone, and that you will be with them.
• Keep things in proportion. Up to the age of 6 or 7, most children do not yet possess the ability to think about events logically or to perceive an event that they watch on TV in proper proportion. Therefore, it is a good idea to limit their viewing of the news while difficult events are taking place. At the same time, if the child sees or hears something that frightens him, do not brush off his fear; take it seriously and use the opportunity to talk to him about proportion (for instance, explain why the probability of a missile falling right onto his house is extremely small, or why the barrage is going to end soon). It is important for children to remember that in general, Israel is a safe country to live in.
• Explain what is going on using terms that children can understand. Adapt your explanations to the age and language development of the child. Very young children may not be able to understand that something terrible is going on, but school-age children are aware and need help understanding. Explain that there are ways of dealing with the physical threat (for instance, by entering the protected space) as well as the anxiety (for instance, by talking to family members and friends). Adolescents have a better understanding of events and it may be possible to watch the news on TV together with them, and to talk about it.

Children who have experienced trauma may behave in ways that express their stress and anxiety. The following are some of the possible responses that children may manifest, and ways in which you may help them:

• Regression (the child resumes more childish behavior, a lower level of expressing himself, difficulty in controlling bodily functions, etc.) Address the child at the age level to which he has regressed, and gently help him to regain his former level of functioning. For instance, if he is wetting his bed, show understanding and patience, and repeat – with sensitivity – the toilet-training process.
• Parting anxiety. Be patient. Allow for more time at transitions – especially when they are parting from you (to go to school, etc.) or when they are going to sleep.
• Fears. Show your children that it is OK to be scared, that they do not need to be heroes, and that they are not alone; you are there with them and protecting them.
• Breaking rules. Try to maintain the rules at home. When children know what is expected of them, they feel safer.
• Nightmares. Encourage children to express their fears and concerns during the day, so that they will appear less in their dreams. Talk to them about their bad dreams. You can also help the child to make up a good ending to a bad dream. Here again, use the opportunity to put things in proportion: explain to the child that with time, his nightmares will cease.

Relaxation and guided imagery for children (link)

For specific advice by age-groups, click here (link)

When to seek professional help:

Many children who have been exposed to a traumatic event will experience some of the symptoms described above. Most will return to their normal selves after a few days or weeks, just by talking to family members and friends. However, in the following situations it is recommended that you seek professional help from a licensed mental health professional:

• Post-traumatic responses are acute and severely affect the child’s daily functioning. (He is not prepared to remain alone for even a few moments; he refuses to go to school; he is introverted, etc.)
• Post-traumatic response last for longer than a month.