Immediate Environment Coping

Family members and friends do not know how to cope with a victim of P.T.S.D. and this fact often makes it more difficult for both them and the victims. Family members and friends lose the freedom they had interacting with the victim before the trauma. They feel artificial, as if they are walking “on their tiptoes” in his vicinity. It is important for everyone close to the victim to resume their normal behavior with him. Each case is individual and is impossible to provide specific suggestions that will be suitable for all cases but it is possible to list several general principles:

	Listen to what the victim has to say. It is very difficult for a victim to express his feelings but an attentive, supportive ear can reduce the tendency to retreat and withdraw into himself. Don’t say that you know what he is experiencing since almost certainly you do not know. Rather demonstrate your support by acknowledging his difficulty and expressing your willingness to help him however you are able (“I see that this is very difficult for you and that you are suffering. Is there any way that I can help you?”).
	Support the victim but respect is need to mourn or be alone. We all need to have supportive people in our vicinity and the victim is no exception. There is no need to do anything special rather the ordinary things that people do together. You are not obligated to speak about the trauma and try to serve as a victim’s psychologist; it is preferable not relate to him as a child. However, like everyone, he sometimes needs to be alone and that should be respected, even if the “alone” includes his personal suffering. His need to be alone does not mean that he does not appreciate you and does not want you near him.
	It is worthwhile for you to have as much positive interaction with the victim as possible. This could be going to a movie, eating dinner together, hugging, playing a game or anything else that you both can enjoy. Don’t be afraid to use humor but it is advisable to avoid humor related to the trauma.
	Do not try to comfort the victim (and effectively, yourself) by attributing him powers that he doesn’t have (“I am certain that you will be able to get over this.”) or pointing out that his situation is better that of some other people. (“You’re lucky that you weren’t wounded or killed there, like the others were.”) Statements like these do not help and do not comfort him but rather to show him that you are unable to bear his trauma. Being sorry about what happened to him, recognition of his pain and willingness to understand him or much more effective.
	Do not diminish yourself out of the thought that the victim cannot deal with it. Maintain your emotional independence and support for the victim, while being considerate of the traumatic event which he experienced. This type of behavior makes it easier for the victim to understand your needs. On the other hand, a substantial surrender of yourself and your needs will cause you great frustration and, in the end, also work against the victim.
	You can suggest that the victim seek out professional assistance or participate in a support group but do so very carefully and with great sensitivity (for example, not during an argument).